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"Do you think my
boobs are small?" Tina asked, as we tried to lounge by the pool on a sunny
Saturday morning. I flicked a glance at her so-called small boobs, which were
encased in a leopard print halter bikini. "Why do you ask" I replied.
No be my mouth dem go hear say ogbono dey draw. She shifted uncomfortably on
her lounger. "Bode says they are small and that I should consider boobs
enlargement" She replied, a little embarrassed. I was surprised. Bode
didn't strike me as a man who put much stock on how stacked his girlfriend was.
"Since when did he start complaining" I wanted to know. It has barely
been 5 months since they started dating and this was the first time I am
hearing of this kind of situation.
"Hmmm, my sister,
the first time we made love when he saw my breast I noticed he paused before he
continued on his way" he said.
"So? He might have
paused to better appreciate the view"
"That's what I
thought at first oh, but he told me later that he had always thought I had
bigger boobs"
I laughed, "You no
tell am say na padded bra?" I said. She didn't laugh along, but continued
reading her magazine. I felt I had disappointed her somehow.
Remembering the episode,
I felt like I should investigate this. I cornered Temi, a male colleague of
mine at the office. "Temi, how far? How's your latest babe?" I asked.
Temi cocked an eyebrow at me. "Why the sudden interest?" He wanted to
know. "Nothing. Just want to ask a question" I countered.
"Oya ask, I have
things to do"
"Don't snap.
Uhmm..would you consider surgery for your girlfriend?"
"What kind?"
"Cosmetic"
He frowned in thought.
"Hmm, it depends sha. If I thought she needed it, like maybe her butt
needs a little lift, why not?" He said, grinning at me. I stared at him.
Temi? He isn't even handsome or anything, yet he would want his girl to go
extreme for him?!
"Hmm, you wont
believe the hell Angela went through in her marriage because her husband said
she wasn't the girl he married." Monalisa said, as she tried to prepare a
meal in my kitchen later that day. I had posed the same question to her.
Monalisa can't cook to save her life, so I was watching her intently before she
burnt down my house. Angela is Monalisa's friend from the University.
"After giving birth
to 3 kids, how can Emeka, her husband, expect her to remain the same?" I
wanted to know. Mona shrugged. "The babe was in such a state of panic eh!
She fasted, went on a vegetable only diet, even started visiting the gym! All
she got for her trouble was that she became fatter sef" Mona said,
stirring some kind of sauce in a saucepan. I was fascinated. Angela was always
so cool and composed, I didn't even know she was going through this nightmare.
"She told me Emeka
threatened to leave her or he would bring another woman into the house and that
they no longer even have sex because Emeka says he's disgusted by her stretch
marks and flabby body' Mona continued.
Men! They can be so
heartless. A woman's body can obviously not remain the same after childbirth
for various reasons. She would have to deal with saggy breasts after the baby
suckles, stretch marks from the pregnancy and weight gain. Some people are
lucky wit their metabolism or their genes. I know a woman who has 5kids and she
still has the skinny frame of a teenager! While there has been teenagers that
have the look of married women. But really, is surgery really the way? A guy
that says he loves you, then tells you that you could do with a tummy tuck
should take a ride to "BS" land. You love me, you
love my warts too. I am not saying that ladies should indulge after marriage
however, No! But come to think of it, that's what most of we ladies do. They
think that after he put the ring on your finger, its a done deal. No Sistah!
Marriage is something to be worked on. Don't allow your husband have to
ask, "Where is the woman I married?"; be the Woman!.
Pamper yourself once in a while---which could be a blessing---visit the gym.
Deck yourself in nice clothes, even when you are at home. Don't ever let your
man forget that he has a sensual woman waiting for him at home, or some other
lady out there would do all these and more for your man.
I paced casually around
the kitchen and peered at the concoction she was mixing on the gas cooker.
"Wetin be that?" I asked, peering curiously at the dish. Mona grinned
mischievously, "It is a Spanish meal I saw on the Internet; Spanish
Omelette".
"Like fried
eggs"
She rolled her eyes.
"Spanish Omelette" she stressed.
"I'll take your
word for it". Personally, I thought it looked like over burnt fried eggs,
but I wisely held my tongue. Mona was very touchy about her cooking. "But
would you consider surgery to keep your man" I asked her. She burst into
startled laughter. "Surgery keh?" she scoffed, arms akimbo. "So
if I die on the operation table, what would I tell God? That I wasn't happy
with what he gave me abi? Babe, leave that thing, I am not changing anything
for a man oh" she concluded, turning back to her food.
I wonder what Tony would
say if I should pose the question to him, I mused, as I tried to eat the
inedible food now on my plate. Well, I shrugged, Why wake a sleeping lion. He
might not even be thinking about it. I do not wish to put the thought in his
head. And even if he was... dumping him would be too good an action to
take.
By Vivian Barth
