It is 1:52am; I can't sleep again. It's been going on for a while now,these bouts of insomnia. This one is awfully different. Ever since this year started I have been contemplating quitting blogging, up until now. It seems different to me now, I just couldn't hold back from pouring out.
Those of my friends I am really close to (or should I say; those I let in) must be aware I have had some shitty stuff going on in my life lately. In fact, 2013 hasn't been smiling down on me. I had written a couple of poems but how could I post them for you to read when all they inspired was sadness, depression and its likes. Talks of death, running off, what you do when you are doing nothing, and what courage suicide must be....need I go on!
Yeah yeah..the cliché of "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"..." trying times are passed so you learn to appreciate when it's all going good"....bla bla bla..I do know all these, so do not get me wrong! As depressing as I could have been, I wasn't suicidal or anything overly dramatic like that. I mean come on, I love living (don't we all do?) But then, I hadn't thought about how much I wanted to live and lead a successful life for a long while now up until
yesterday.
It took all the sorry(s) and sympathy I was getting from gathering strangers at that moment for me to realise I had just had a minor accident. Thankfully enough the hit to my head was mild and although my jeans trousers were ruined, I was glad it had saved me from any deeper injuries. I felt numb in one of my legs when one of my sympathizers offered to stretch it out for me. I was quickly taken to the clinic nearby to have my injuries tended to. But trust the conventional Nigerian healthcare centre, there was no doctor on board. A sympathetic nurse decided to help me dress my wounds a little at least to stop the bleeding. As much as I wanted to contemplate what a nearby patient was saying amidst all the sorrys, the groaning in pain won me over. He was saying something about how in some parts of the country in a similar situation like this, an individual is suffering so much he/she picks up their tools and continues their day at the farm instead of a clinic regardless of the injuries sustained.
For a minute I thought he sounded ridiculous. Just then a nurse passing by commented, "Oh sorry, you really injured o".
It took a lot of restraint to hold back the tears that were now threatening to pour out. It wasn't the pain that made me want to tear down. No!..It was the instant sad realization that this was all I felt these days, injured! Injured by failed plans. Injured by recent conflicts with my father. Injured by a long-term relationship gone sour. Injured by sinking finances. And now injured by this..It feels like I am the victim now and I hated that I thought that greatly.
The nurse was suggesting I go home and rest and I immediately recalled I had an important test that afternoon down-town. While I was battling with a choice of bed-rest and a ruined day or a tedious journey to make my test, I found myself hailing a cab. I was going to make my test at all costs after all. I couldn't tell what helped me decide but I knew one thing, I couldn't afford to let this take me down. I wouldn't!.. I wanted to keep moving.. And of course I made my test. I got in a little late for it though but it didn't present as a problem as the test only commenced 2 hours after the actual start time (permit me not to go into details of how we had to wait on PHCN for electricity before a computer-based test could commence.**Lol).
As I journeyed back home after the test, I had to wonder how I made it through the test with the drowsiness and restlessness I was feeling throughout (even as I had spent the prior waiting 2-hrs sleeping off peacefully on my test desk). I had to wonder!. But I didn't have to, It's just as my life is now..Lots of bruises trying to maim my "should I say" perfectly created body
while I restlessly work to heal.
"Everything and anything will try to make your perfect imperfect but you have to embrace it, take the time to heal from it and then keep moving...You have to stop letting the disappointments mar your dreams. So just when it seems its all at its unfortunate end, you have to get started and get started again. Keep moving. And keep moving forward!" I mumbled to myself as in this writing, **pep-talk or pep-write** drifting into sound sleep at 5:34am or thereabout.
