CITY DIARIES..."The Aso-Ebi Wahala"

"How much?" I practically screamed down the line. There was a brief pause at the other end, then Joy responded, "Just 30, 000 naira na, its correct lace oh and remember that you would get a souvenir". Souvenir my ass!!! At best, it will be a dinner plate, if one even gets lucky enough to get anything. I honestly didn't want to be a part of any aso-ebi, but Joy has been begging me for the better part of 3 weeks now, to do it. When I finally agreed, the little sneak had to go on to tell me that the material would cost me 30,000 naira. Was I working at Central Bank? Or did  I win a lottery that everyone but I, knows about?....

Joy, ah, its too expensive oh!", I whined into the receiver.
She laughed, I thought that your boyfriend, what's that his name again?....
"Tony", I muttered.
"Ehen! Tony, shebi he works in an Oil company? She tittered.
"So? Does that mean he owns it?" I said, annoyed. I hated asking Tony for anything. Before the guy go release money eh! It was just too long a process. By the way, the relationship was still new, and I didn't want him thinking I was in it for the money...even though I actually am!

"Joy, can't you give me discount price? You know how hard things are for me right now. And Tony be aka gum oh". She was silent for a while. "Ok, take it for 28,000 naira. Its because of you oh, don't tell others I reduced money for you oh", she said. I rolled my eyes. Only 2,000 naira reduction. Well, it was something. We exchanged pleasantries for a while and then she hung up.

What's the craze with aso-ebi anyways?
I've seen women starve themselves,all in the craze to afford to wear aso-ebi on that D-day! The Yorubas ought take-on the first prize in such department. I am yet to find an occasion which a Yoruba man will host that will not involve aso-ebi. "Owambe!", isn't that what they call it? They'd prefer to go to an occasion in bathroom slippers so far as they are wearing the colour code of that day!

"That's to show that you belong na!" Tina,a friend of mine, had iterated, as we relaxed at a bar after work [a small construction firm]. "If you attend a wedding and you are wearing the aso-ebi,it makes you seem closer to the couple", she continued,as she eyed a group of working class guys who shared the next table to us. Two of the guys were damned drooling hot if i'm permitted to add. "But the couple already knows me! What concerns me with the guests?" I had quizzed. I was looking for a reason not to buy the aso-ebi. Tina had finally turned her eyes back to me "Sam,better stop talking like JJC. You know its also to raise money for the couple na"

"I thought Ikenna has pots of money?" I said, referring to Joy's fiance. She rolled her eyes,"its even the rich people that charge more for aso-ebi. They want to limit the amount of people that would buy it" she said,sipping her fruit punch. I mused on what she had just said. It was true. The more expensive the aso-ebi,the more exclusive the wedding. Hmm..

"And by the way,the way you are lamenting about money,one would think your bobo has gone on leave" Tina said,eyeing me speculatively. I rolled my eyes,"leave Tony out of the matter. The guy is a real tight wad." I said. Her eyes grew round,"really? But the way he spends on you..." "He just wants to make an impression" i interrupted. Tony had a chip on his shoulder that I was surprised hadn't tripped him since. He was all about making a good first impression.

As we had chatted away,my mind kept returning to the aso-ebi matter. Its true that African women loves being the centre of attention and an exclusive aso-ebi wear is one more way to do that. Aso-ebi has grade- level. I am aware Joy also has aso-ebi that goes for as little as 2,500 naira,but the material would obviously be low grade.hmm..I wouldn't want to fall my hand at the event!

I've heard some ladies go to extreme lengths just to get an aso-ebi. Some use weddings as an avenue to meet the potential Mr right! So,one has to look good to meet good people. But I don't really think killing ourselves all in the name of buying aso-ebi material is the way forward! My neighbour once told me that she didn't eat for two days in order to save up money to afford buying an aso-ebi material for a wedding. I had stared at her in shocking disbelieve and she had laughed at the expression on my face.

"I'd gained more from buying that aso-ebi than I spent" she had gushed.

"Hmm,how?" I couldn't imagine what she could have possibly gained.

"How do you think I met that rich oil tycoon that funds all my shopping trips in Dubai?" She had winked as I laughed knowingly. 

"OMG! The hot one just winked at me. Turn to my 11' o clock! 11' o clock!, Dark, Bearded!" Tina had muttered shyly as she tapped me in a struggle to contain her excitement. I had jolted back to the present from my reverie and forced to locate Tina's 11' o clock.

...I wouldn't want to fall my hand at the event. Maybe there really was something about the Aso-ebi business after all!! 

 By Vivian Barths