CITY DIARIES...."SINGLE IN THE CITY"

"So when are we going to dance at your wedding" Aunty Nkem said, as I came to sit beside her on the couch. I froze. Where did that come from?

"See most of your friends from secondary school are already mothers, you are here chasing money", she continued in a huff. I gave the television my full attention. There was no way in hell I am going to answer that question. Was it even a question? Nigerians could be so damn rude! Aunty Nkem is my Aunty from my mother's side of the family and we are close. So I can tolerate some things from her. But not this oh! I munched on my popcorn as I tried to listen to Anderson Cooper on CNN.

"Samantha is it not you I'm talking to?" She queried, I sighed..."Yes Aunty?"

"You are old enough to even have 2 Kids by now!"

I stifled my laughter. Yea right.

The single issue is nothing new to most single people, but the pressure is usually more on the ladies. By the time you are 20 years of age and you don't have a ring on your finger, your relatives would be on your case as if they feared something was holding you back in the spiritual realm. You would be taken to various pastors who claim to have the gift of seeing visions and they would prophesy that you have a spiritual husband who doesn't want you to get married and blah, blah, blah....I remember last year, my mother made it her sole mission in life to introduce me to all her friends' eligible sons! I was shuttled from one house to another under one pretense or another.

"Today is Chido's birthday"

"Remember Ndidi? You were so close to him while you were growing up"

"I haven't seen Agnes in ages! Let's go and check up on her"

And so on and so forth. I finally caught on to her scheme and ended it immediately, but not before everyone had obviously caught on that I was a desperate chic, in need of a husband. And mind you, not just any husband oh! He must be handsome, a graduate, be rolling in money, know important people, well spoken...the list is endless. 

Single pals, have you noticed we all have a "list" of what we want in our prospective partners? How attainable is that list? We place high criteria for our prospective spouse to live up to, when we know nobody is perfect. You can see a girl writing that her man must be tall, dark, handsome, caring, intelligent, God fearing, not stingy!..All this characters in one person?! Please ask yourself, if you are a tall girl and you are making this kind of list...I pity for you!. How many tall guys you wan find, that would be taller than you oh?!

Short girls have it easy; most guys, even the short ones are taller than they are. Ladies, we shouldn't marry a guy based on these kind of stupid criteria. He might be all those things but within, he would be a monster. You should search for something more concrete in a man, like...

Is he God fearing?

A good father figure to your children?

Does he like kids?

God forbid you marry a man that beats you, or comes home more drunk than a fish. Is he short tempered?

Does he worry when you worry?...Little things that are actually bigger things in the grand scheme of things. I wanted a man alright, but at God's time and place. 

"Do you know how Cynthia captured Richard? Aunty Nkem continued.

"No" I muttered, not interested in the least. Cynthia was a distant cousin of mine that I didn't even correspond with, but trust Aunty Nkem to have to have the gist of every member of our family tree.

"She used to cook Egusi soup every Monday afternoon and take it to him in his office for his lunch", she said, smiling when I turned to her to gasp. What?!

Can someone say extreme!!! Why would I ever want to do that?

"She told you that?" I asked dubiously.

She rolled her eyes, "Of course not! It's Richard that told me. He said he was so impressed by her cooking and her humility". 

I choked on my laugh. Cynthia? Humble? Those two words didn't go together. People would hide all their flaws when they want something, but once they have it...Let's ask Richard about Cynthia's humility a year from now.  

"What's funny?" Aunty Nkem wanted to know.

"Nothing Ma. Nothing"

By Vivian Barth