CITY DIARIES...THE SURGICAL WAY

"Do you think my boobs are small?" Tina asked, as we tried to lounge by the pool on a sunny Saturday morning. I flicked a glance at her so-called small boobs, which were encased in a leopard print halter bikini. "Why do you ask" I replied. No be my mouth dem go hear say ogbono dey draw. She shifted uncomfortably on her lounger. "Bode says they are small and that I should consider boobs enlargement" She replied, a little embarrassed. I was surprised. Bode didn't strike me as a man who put much stock on how stacked his girlfriend was. "Since when did he start complaining" I wanted to know. It has barely been 5 months since they started dating and this was the first time I am hearing of this kind of situation. 

"Hmmm, my sister, the first time we made love when he saw my breast I noticed he paused before he continued on his way" he said. 

"So? He might have paused to better appreciate the view"

"That's what I thought at first oh, but he told me later that he had always thought I had bigger boobs"

I laughed, "You no tell am say na padded bra?" I said. She didn't laugh along, but continued reading her magazine. I felt I had disappointed her somehow. 

Remembering the episode, I felt like I should investigate this. I cornered Temi, a male colleague of mine at the office. "Temi, how far? How's your latest babe?" I asked. Temi cocked an eyebrow at me. "Why the sudden interest?" He wanted to know. "Nothing. Just want to ask a question" I countered. 

"Oya ask, I have things to do"

"Don't snap. Uhmm..would you consider surgery for your girlfriend?"

"What kind?"

"Cosmetic"

He frowned in thought. "Hmm, it depends sha. If I thought she needed it, like maybe her butt needs a little lift, why not?" He said, grinning at me. I stared at him. Temi? He isn't even handsome or anything, yet he would want his girl to go extreme for him?!

"Hmm, you wont believe the hell Angela went through in her marriage because her husband said she wasn't the girl he married." Monalisa said, as she tried to prepare a meal in my kitchen later that day. I had posed the same question to her. Monalisa can't cook to save her life, so I was watching her intently before she burnt down my house. Angela is Monalisa's friend from the University. 

"After giving birth to 3 kids, how can Emeka, her husband, expect her to remain the same?" I wanted to know. Mona shrugged. "The babe was in such a state of panic eh! She fasted, went on a vegetable only diet, even started visiting the gym! All she got for her trouble was that she became fatter sef" Mona said, stirring some kind of sauce in a saucepan. I was fascinated. Angela was always so cool and composed, I didn't even know she was going through this nightmare.

"She told me Emeka threatened to leave her or he would bring another woman into the house and that they no longer even have sex because Emeka says he's disgusted by her stretch marks and flabby body' Mona continued. 

Men! They can be so heartless. A woman's body can obviously not remain the same after childbirth for various reasons. She would have to deal with saggy breasts after the baby suckles, stretch marks from the pregnancy and weight gain. Some people are lucky wit their metabolism or their genes. I know a woman who has 5kids and she still has the skinny frame of a teenager! While there has been teenagers that have the look of married women. But really, is surgery really the way? A guy that says he loves you, then tells you that you could do with a tummy tuck should take a ride to "BS" land. You love me, you love my warts too. I am not saying that ladies should indulge after marriage however, No! But come to think of it, that's what most of we ladies do. They think that after he put the ring on your finger, its a done deal. No Sistah! Marriage is something to be worked on. Don't allow your husband have to ask, "Where is the woman I married?"; be the Woman!. Pamper yourself once in a while---which could be a blessing---visit the gym. Deck yourself in nice clothes, even when you are at home. Don't ever let your man forget that he has a sensual woman waiting for him at home, or some other lady out there would do all these and more for your man.

I paced casually around the kitchen and peered at the concoction she was mixing on the gas cooker. "Wetin be that?" I asked, peering curiously at the dish. Mona grinned mischievously, "It is a Spanish meal I saw on the Internet; Spanish Omelette". 

"Like fried eggs"

She rolled her eyes. "Spanish Omelette" she stressed. 

"I'll take your word for it". Personally, I thought it looked like over burnt fried eggs, but I wisely held my tongue. Mona was very touchy about her cooking. "But would you consider surgery to keep your man" I asked her. She burst into startled laughter. "Surgery keh?" she scoffed, arms akimbo. "So if I die on the operation table, what would I tell God? That I wasn't happy with what he gave me abi? Babe, leave that thing, I am not changing anything for a man oh" she concluded, turning back to her food.

I wonder what Tony would say if I should pose the question to him, I mused, as I tried to eat the inedible food now on my plate. Well, I shrugged, Why wake a sleeping lion. He might not even be thinking about it. I do not wish to put the thought in his head. And even if he was... dumping him would be too good an action to take. 

By Vivian Barth